Understanding why it is difficult to leave.
Many people that haven’t been in an abusive relationship can’t understand why it can take a long time to leave a partner who is violent. It is nearly always difficult to end a relationship even when it hasn’t been abusive, violent relationships are no different.
Many women will stay in an abusive relationship for some time, reasons for this include:
- Still loving a partner
- Hoping they will change
- Feeling ashamed and believing that the abuse is your fault
- Being scared that your partner will hurt you if you leave
- Being scared of what he might do to the children if you leave
- Being scared of the future – where will you live, what about the children, what about money.
- Being scared of being alone and leaving behind family, friends or community.
- Being unsure about what other people will think.
- Pressure from family and friends if you leave.
If you are having difficulty leaving things you should remember are:
- The abuse is never your fault.
- An abuser chooses to be abusive, alcohol, drugs, stress and insecurity are just excuses.
- An abuser may say they will change but research and experience informs us that they rarely do.
- If you have been hit once it will rarely be a ‘one off’. Usually abuse will happen more frequently over time and get worse.
- You can still ring the Women’s Aid helpline 0808 800 0340 for support even if you are staying in the relationship. You can still ring them again evern if you have already done so in the past.
- That leaving an abusive relationship can be a risk. Make sure you plan your leaving to make it as safe as possible. Use the help provided by the domestic violence helpline to ensure this is the case.
17/04/2006 Nottinghamshire Domestic Violence Forum